maybe I should update this blog
maybe I should update this blog
HOW DO I EVEN BEGIN THIS.
OKAY FIRST OF ALL GIOVANNI COULD JUST BE ONE OF THE TOP FIVE SEXIEST CHARACTERS IN POKEMON.
PROBABLY THE SEXIEST TEAM ROCKET MEMBER ANYWAY.
First off, his sense of fashion is IMMACULATE. That orange suit would look tacky on anyone else but it fits dear Gio here like a charm on a Meowth. And if our favorite talking feline’s boss fantasies are anything to go by, he dresses like a motherfucking DIVA even when just lounging casually around the house.
Of course if Meowth’s fantasies were anything to go by, then we can just assume he runs around in speedoos and serves ice cream as well.
Secondly, HE IS ONE INTIMIDATING MUTHAFUCKA. During his first few appearances he was shrouded by shadows and mysteriously petting his Persian. If that wasn’t enough to automatically skyrocket him to the top of your “OH GAWD HE’S SEXY” list then you’re list must be pretty pathetic.
CREATING THE WORLD’S MOST POWERFUL POKEMON AND MAKING IT HIS PERSONAL SLAVE BEFORE BREAKING ITS HEART AND CAUSING IT TO TRY AND DESTROY THE WORLD
BEING THE BOSS OF TEAM ROCKET
AND OTHER THINGS
((Also, for the record I really like that pose the Rocket grunt is doing. He’s like “Hey, gurl we’re here to steal your pokemon and shit. Wooooo!”))
Now, you people might think of Professor Elm as a reclusive, sunlight-hating, sex-lifeless nerd.
And you’d be right.
BUT, Prof. Elm practically wins the award for the most adorable of all the Professors. I mean look at him! He’s practically the sterotype for the cute, shy, nerdy guy. He’s sort of clueless and has no common sense but you can tell he has a HEART OF GOLD.
So why doesn’t this guy have a girlfriend?
Oh, right because all he does is play Pokemon all day and you can’t listen to him for more then two minutes without wanting to kill yourself.
Still cute though.
Ah, I’m also accepting submissions to this blog as long as its in the … preestablished format.
And please submit!
We’ve all heard this annoying as fuck saying one time or another. We’ve all gone, “Aw shit, not another Rattata…”
But, what we haven’t done is appreciate the incredibly sexy person that says that magnificent quote…
Joey’s one of a kind. That little shit is top percentage of fantastic trainers out there on the routes. Whether it’s his backwards base ball cap that’s a huge turn on or that commanding why he tells his Rattata to use growl, Joey is one badass motherfucker… That’s right… Not allowed to call him a bamf here… NO ONE abbreviates Joey.
Not to mention, the kid’s pretty fucking pushy. Yeah, that’s right… You forgot… He has your phone number. That badass will call you every freaking hour. Every time he’s bored. hell, he probably has you on speed dial for Christ’s sake!
This bitch has class.
He’s got it all: a snazzy purple suit, perfect hair, a sexy red bow tie, tight
pantsgloves and a motherfucking magnificent cape.
Meet Eusine, everyone’s favorite Suicune fanboy.
He roams around the Johto Region, attempting to catch Suicune and is your/Crystal’s rival in Gen II.
AND THIS BITCH GOT CLASS.
LET ME TELL YOU WHY.
THE SWEETHEART HAS SPENT YEARS PURSUING SUICUNE. YEARS. QUITE POSSIBLY A LIFE TIME. HE JUST TRAVELS FROM TOWN TO TOWN IN SEARCH OF THAT BITCH. HE STUDIES ANCIENT TEXTS AND ALL THAT SHIT.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT.
He doesn’t catch Suicune.
He doesn’t catch Suicune.
You know who does catch Suicune?
NOW IF THAT WERE ME, I WOULD’VE FLIPPED SOME SERIOUS SHIT. I WOULD’VE BEEN LIKE “OH HELL NO! SUICUNE BELONGS TO ME YOU LITTLE UPSTART” AND SNATCHED THAT BALL LIKE A CIPHER GOON.
He’s a gentleman.
He’s just like, “That’s okay, you deserved it more than me. Maybe next time.”
WHAT A CLASSY MUTHAFUCKA.
Oh, gods this man is perfect.
Hello everyone, I’d like to introduce you to the sexiest Team Rocket member ever to grace the anime (besides Giovanni.)
He may also be the dumbest.
But we’re going to ignore that for now and just focus on that bod.
First up, his hair. THAT SHIT’S NATURAL. MMM DO YOU SEE THAT LITTLE DANGLY THING IN FRONT OF HIS FACE? THAT JUST CRANKS UP THE ADORABLE FIVE POINTS.
JAMES DOES ADORABLE LIKE JOEY DOES RATTATAS.
PLUS he just can’t be beat when it comes to fashion. His standard Team Rocket uniform may be pretty sextastic (okay, a lot sextastic) but HAVE YOU SEEN SOME HIS DISGUISES?
HE MAKES DRESSES LOOK GOOD ON HIM AND HE DON’T EVEN TRY.
WEDDING DRESSES, PROM DRESSES, SUITS, KIMONOS WHATEVER. You know James is gonna rock it.
But he ain’t all shit and giggles. Especially nowadays, when he’s ramped up to a top agent in the Rocket’s infiltration of the Unova. Hell yeah. He’s got a dark side too.
Evidently, for all his dumbness, he is a master computer hacker.
WHO DOESN’T LOVE A COMPUTER HACKER?
THAT’S RIGHT, DIDN’T THINK SO.
James has been through a lot a shit, too. Born into riches, had a psychotic fiancee, struggled through years and years of failure as a Team Rocket agent. The works.
But now his time has come and the Unova region better watch the fuck out.
I want you all to take a moment to admire this fine slice of manbeast right here.
That’s right bitches. Drayden. Leader of the Opelucid City. Generally bad ass motherfucking dragon type gym leader. But enough about his personality. No one wants to eat waffles off his personality, am I right?
First up, DEM LEGS. Where have you seen such perfectly toned thighs? Gary Oak? Don’t make me laugh! His muscles are practically popping out of his clothing. His arms, too with his hands encased in those sexy and stylish purple gloves.
And those eyes. You know what those eyes are saying? They’re saying DON’T FUCK WITH THIS MAN, BITCHES. DON’T FUCK WITH HIM BECAUSE HE WILL KILL YOU. WITH HIS BEARD. HIS ALMIGHTY MAGNIFICENT BEARD.”
Which brings us to the most important part. HIS BEARD. He could kill a man with that beard. And a grape. But how does he eat?
TENTACLES, MAN. TENTACLES. LIKE MOTHERFUCKING DAVEY JONES. THAT’S JUST HOW BADASS HE IS.
I think we’ll open this blog with Red.
LOOK HOW FUCKING ADORABLE THIS KID IS.
It’s not even open to debate. Red is an adorable motherfucker. But that ain’t all.
RED IS A CERTIFIED BADASS.
WELL LET’S LIST SOME OF HIS ACHIEVEMENTS SHALL WE
1) Taking down Team Rocket
2) MOTHERFUCKING POKEMON CHAMPION
3) Buddies with Mewtwo
4) HE AND DEOXYS ARE HOMEBOYS. FOR REALZ DEOXYS HAS SOME OF HIS BLOOD. THAT’S SOME SERIOUS SHIT MAN.
5) Subject of unresolved sexual tension between, like, three women and one man.
6) Fashion god (Have you seen that stylish little bandanna tied around his leg?)
He’s buff and adorable. Buffdorable.
And holy shit don’t even get me started on that super sexy little jacket he wears. HE COLOR-COORDINATES HIS CLOTHES WITH HIS NAME. IF THAT AIN’T STYLISH I DON’T KNOW WHAT IS.
Fuck yeah, Red.